Matthew Seven Seven
I must be asking the wrong question
for I know the right answer
The answer is
“…feed the children, give the children clean water to drink
Give them hope of a life with dignity, show them Jesus.”
I was recently told that I wasn't asking the wrong question
But that I was asking the wrong people.
When you witness what I witness there are no “wrong people”
Authentic people, “real people”
Feed their children, provide education, show love, goodness and mercy
And uplift their children.
So it's got to be a fallacy in my question
Not the people.
So I've changed it from
Will you make a donation
Which non-authentic people can't seem to hear
To “how's your day today?”
But I'd just as soon be asking
“how now, brown, cow?”
Help me holy spirit
To just ask!
Matthew 7:7--
“Ask, and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you.”
Matthew 7:8
“for everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds. And to him who knocks it shall be opened. Or what man is there among you, when his son shall ask him for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he shall ask for a fish he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! There fore, however you want people to treat you, so treat them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

An Email From Haiti
My dearest and sweetest Yolantha
It is so good to hear from you. I am more than happy to hear that God gives you a chance to come to Ranquitte in June. Hopefully He will provide you all that you need to come. You are more than wanted in Ranquitte. We love you exceedingly. I cannot control my joy because you tell me that you are coming. We will have a wonderful moment with your beloved kids. Let me tell you something. In February a group of people came to do Vacation Bible School. I was with them. All the kids kept on asking for you because they didn't feed them. You can imagine how important you are for them. Your presence is more than necessary and important. Hope to hear from you before long. We love you a lot. You are even too dear for me and my family, we love and appreciate you the most. Remember me to your children.
Your incomparable friend
God bless and provide for your needs.
Your translator

Dashboard Reality
I am stripped naked,
Very vulnerable
A missionary
Standing toe to toe with satan
And his religiosity

Dashboard Response
Naked you came into the world
Naked I am sending you out
No crutches, no security blankets, no rabbit's foot
Just you and My word…
You do have enough of My Word to cover you don't you?
Don't you?
Have you studied enough
To show yourself…

Living the Call
Before Haiti
The "Great Commission" was
An obvious non-tangible.
Stuff done by preachers and missionaries
Big Godly stuff
In the pulpit and
Way off some where.
Kinda like the U.S. constitution is
A document only truly understood
By presidents, senators, governors and politicians…
However…as an American
The Constitution is the foundation for my rights
As a citizen of the United States.
Likewise as a Christian,
The "Great Commission"
Is the foundation for my rights
As a citizen of the heavenly kingdom.

Forever Calling
God warns
“I am forever calling you,
Yet you tune me out,
Or you have hearing of selectivity.”
God cautions
“I will cause the voice of exaltation to cease
And the voice of rejoicing to leave the land.”
God has been true to His word
But often I am false to mine
Oh God, have mercy.

Spiritual Flaws
This is my struggle: Granted the missionaries have done and are doing a great and marvelous thing in Haiti, but sometimes I wonder who am I doing and sacrificing for? Is it because of the love that Jesus showed me by dying on the cross? Is it my struggle for some sort of deep seeded need for approval or for a spiritual feather in my cap? Or does my spirituality center around alleviating guilt over horrendous secret sins I've committed? I have to wonder often about our motives. My motives. I am deeply aware of my character flaws, but recognizing and addressing my spiritual flaws, well that's a completely different thing. One of my spiritual flaws that I can't seem to shake is “My Americanisms.” One of which, that haunts me the most in Haiti is that I can't seem to shake that as an American I am “entitled” to be able to live a life of dignity. Who or what defines that entitlement, the right? Who or what defines “a life of dignity”?

Many of my secret sins against God have evolved around the definition of “a life of dignity”. I grew up thinking that it was not dignified to be single, eating in restaurants alone, going to movies alone. So I dated and got married in order to be perceived as a woman of dignity, in spite of the multitudes of undignified things that went on as a result of those “dignifying” relationships. My lack of social graces with white women often stemmed around them making me feel less than what I was worth. Meaning that to me, they were stealing, trampling or spitting upon my sense of dignity. Even the abortions in my life were agonizingly rationalized around my lack of ability to give a child a life of dignity and grace. However, the bulk of the agony was the lack of dignity resulting in facing my family with the generational curse of not being married and announcing, “I'm pregnant.”

Secret sins are often shielded with invisible umbrellas defined as good works. Umbrellas that distract us and shield us from the healing stripes and the forgiving covering of the crucified blood of Christ.

In spite of the numerous sermons that teach us that we cannot work out our salvation I meet and work with a multitude of missionaries like me that seem to be trading in their salvation trying to work out their sins. This trade off causes us to limp toward the finish line. It causes us to miss the boat of empowering miracles. It causes us to minimize the power of faith, because our secret sins seem so immensely unforgivable. We cannot fathom that God can forgive what we ourselves cannot or we ourselves will not.

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